Emotion
by x.SyddSecern
Summary: Being a twin was complicated as it is. Everything shared between you, and someone else. What happens whenever Kaoru accepts the fact that he's always loved Hikaru? Heh, twin life gets even more complicated. rated T for language, and well, Twincest.
1. Chapter 1

He looked at me, and I smiled. He returned the identical notion.

"Ready for today, Kaoru?" he sang happily. I nodded.

"Did you know today's the first day of fall, Hikaru?" I said, mainly just to have something to say. An excuse to hear his voice again.

"Of course," He took my hand habitually, and led me down the stairs from our bedroom. I liked it whenever he did this.

We got to our car and Hikaru drove today. In curiousity, I asked, "So, what's our act today?" I tried to take advantage of the twin connection and get some idea of what he was thinking, but I couldn't. He was blocking me out.

"So anxious, Kaoru~ You'll see," I glared at him out of the corner of my eye. "It's just can act," He grinned devilishly.

I felt my cheeks flush and I turned away to the window. I couldn't let Hikaru see me like this.

Because...Because, well, maybe to him it was just an act; simply to entertain the girls at the Host Club. But to me, it was so much more than that. It was an opportunity where I could show Hikaru how I truly felt (even if he never got the message.) It was a time that I could give into his embrace and his golden eyes.

But, really, I wondered why I even felt this way. I told myself it was because he was all I'd ever had for so long. Now that we had Tamaki, Kyouya, Mori, Hunny, and even adorable Haruhi, this didn't change. So, I don't know why I was...was so in love with my brother.

As the scenery outside changed to the familiarity of the Ouran grounds, I turned and stole a glance at him.

His hair was shinier and softer to the touch, his eyelashes were longer, and his eyes had a shine that only his could. He was stronger than me too. I sighed. What chance did I have? He was my brother, for God's sadke. How wrong IS that? I could never tell him. Even if I had been tortured for two years now. Whenever I realized that maybe this was in fact a fatal attraction.

The car stopped. I opned the door. I stepped out.

Simple as that.

"Hello, Haruhi," Hikaru said and I turned to see the short brunnette beside us. She smiled cutely.

"Hey guys. Did you have a good weekend?" She asked us as we walked into our first hour class.

"Absolutely," We said in unison and took our seats on opposite sides of the disguised girl.

Class started and I took my notes apathetically. I saw a shift in my peripheral vision to see _him_ looking at _her_ out of _his_ peripheral vision. I sighed.

I was his brother. He should pay more attention to me. Not her. I mean, she was cute. But...I should've meant more to him than her.

I guess he felt my change of mood because he looked up to me and smiled.

I smiled back, but he probably knew I faked it.

The bell rang, and for the first time I didn't walk with Hikaru out of class.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaoru walked ahead of me and turned to his next class. I could feel that he was upset and somewhat pissed off.

Jealousy.

Jealous of me? Haruhi? He was being so difficult. Why was he like this lately?

I had to stop myself then, before I never wanted to speak to my twin again.

My next class was my Art II. We were painting scenes of autumn today.

The colors reminded me of Kaoru's ginger hair and golden eyes. Not to mention him speaking of fall earlier.

The soft oranges and vibrant yellows and reds were just setting a warm mood.

Which reminded me of my brother yet again. Which reminded me of how he acted. Which kinda pissed me off.

Which really hurt me more than it should.

I hated being mad at Kaoru. I just hated it.

I finally noticed my painting. I wasn't even acknowledging the strokes I made on the canvas.

Two identical leaves fell apart from the others, looking as if they were in an eternal waltz. They fell close to each other, as if an uknown force held them close. They were both a light orange, tinted with yellow; their stems tinted a light brown.

"Very good, Hikaru," the teacher startled me. She had simply materialized behind me. "A bit different, but very original."

"Thanks," I said, because it was some of the best work I had done in a long time.

_"Emotion makes art," some nutcase once said._

Maybe he wasn't such a nutcase after all.

Class ended, and I headed to the Host Club, already feeling Kaoru's presence getting closer.

Along with the feeling of guilt welling up inside of me, and I knew I must go on like nothing had changed.


	3. Chapter 3

I opened the door to the abandoned 3rd Music Room, already knowing Hikaru was there. He was in a good mood it seemed, so it sort of put me in a good mood too.

Sometimes I hated this whole twin thing.

"Aah, Kaoru!" Tamaki cried. "Hurry and change! We have much to do, much to do~" He shoved a costume in my hands and pushed me into the changing room.

I blinked in surprise at the sudden motion. After I was reoriented, I pulled out the costume, and sweatdropped.

Leather.

Seriously. What the hell?

I changed, tugging on the tight jeans that were tight in areas that shouldn't be tight. The leather jacket wasn't bad, but the pants...

Good God. I look like a tramp!

I walked out with a sigh, and met up with Hikaru. I couldn't help my eyes widening. He left his jacket unbuttoned and ruffled his hair, plus the tightness in areas made his--

"Kaoru!" he cried and threw his arms around me. I hugged him back happily like I always did. He gave me a funny look as he pulled away.

"You need to look more like me." he ruffled my hair and unbuttoned the jacket halfway. I watched his hands. I didn't really see the need to look like him...but...I was enjoying this.

Suddenly, an obnoxious Tamaki

basically pounced on us.

"Okay guys! Look serious. Every girl LOVES a bad boy~!" Haruhi rolled her eyes. The leather jeans slightly showed her small hips. Tono better be careful.

Then he showered us all with Axe (Leather~!) but Hikaru stood in front of me.

"Hikaru..?" I raised an eyebrow. This was weird...even for him.

"I don't want them to cover how you smell, as strange as that sounds. It...tells us apart." I might've blushed a bit. He has mentioned I smelled like vanilla before.

I had never noticed myself.

The guests began to arrive then, so he stepped aside and I followed closely. I sort of felt like a lost puppy.

"Kaoru, what's bothering you lately?" Hikaru asked suddenly. My heart skipped a beat. "And don't say nothing, because I know that's a lie."

"I just...I don't know, I guess." I looked to the marble floor before mumbling, "We're growing up, Hikaru. I don't..." My voice trailed off. Our guests had arrived.

"We'll talk about this later." I said so quickly my words were slurred. I felt Hikaru's mood turn slightly to worried and maybe a little annoyance.

With the teacups on the table, I went ahead and served our two guests. As I began to take a seat, Hikaru pulled my chair out for me. This was routine.

"You guys smell good." The dark-haired one on the left said. We smiled in unison.

"And look pretty hot too." The other chimed. Her eyeliner was a bit too dark for me, but Hikaru snickered.

"You know I only have attraction to Kaoru." He smirked. I had no idea what was going on. I was so caught off guard that I blushed, and I luckily played it off as the act.

"Oh, Hikaru..." I cooed, knowing it would come out slightly higher than how I usually spoke. I suppose it was The Uke Voice.

The girl with the dark eyeliner's eyes changed and I could feel her tightly gripping the table. The other one glared coldly at the other. Maybe it would take a little more to get her attention. I guess Hikaru got the idea too.

He lifted me out of my chair and held me close to him. Which honestly was a bit awkward due to tight leather and all. I forced myself to blush more intensely, even though this kind of thing was common for us. I quickly glaned at the girls. The one with the dark eyeliner whispered into the other's dark curls. She snickered, with a curious blush on her face.

"Pervert!" The other cried, followed by the sound of a quick slap to her friend's arm.

Hikaru chuckled.

/My favorite customers.../ His thoughts were heard in my head as though we were connected by the mind. This occurence was more common whenever we were touching.

/They do more than just squeal./ I thought in reply.

Hikaru's thoughts flashed with something that was quite devilish. I reacted in confusion as Hikaru pulled away. I looked up at his beautiful golden eyes and as he seemed to be lost in mine. I caught myself; a gentle reminder that this was only an act.

He leaned down slightly (for he always appeared taller, trying to seem more...dominant, I suppose) and gently brushed my bangs off of my skin. I felt the girl's wide-eyed stares stabbing holes through Hikaru and I, but I simply ignored them.

With the softest of touches, my brother carefully placed his soft lips to my forehead. I blushed, for there was no reason for me to cover it up. It was involuntary, but the customers didn't have to know that. They suspected the worst anyway. Or perhaps, they suspected the truth.

"Oh~ Hikaru put his lips on Kaoru's head!" The girl with the eyeliner cried. Her friend hit her again.

"You. Are. Such. A. PERVERT!"

"I was simply stating the obvious. You were the one who changed it around." The perverse one sneered. Now it was the other girl's turn to blush lightly.

"Okay, that's enough excitement for one day, beauties." Hikaru cooed to them. I knew my cue this time. I pulled out a rose and handed it to the one who liked to slap the other. Hikaru gave the victim the other rose. We escorted them out, and that was it.

"Come again soon, ladies~!" I sang as they departed. I was caught off guard a bit as I realized I still sounded like a cheerful little...well, a joyful uke. Hikaru snickered at this. I looked coldy at him and cleared my throat.

"Stupid act."

Luckily, I disguised who I was truly becoming quite easily.


	4. Chapter 4

I had a weird feeling. It was that everything-is-much-too-wonderful-and-is-soon-to-be-ruined...kind of feeling.

Maybe I was just uneasy because Kaoru wasn't in our shared room; it was just me and my headphones.

Even though all sound was diminished, the empty roomed seemed to taunt me, mocking the fact that I was alone.

I missed him.

I sighed somewhat obnoxiously and slide down the side of our bed, taking the silken sheets with me.

"I'm sooo bored..." I groaned. I collapsed on the floor, and stayed like that for I don't know how long.

I heard footsteps up the staircase and stood up, actling like I had done what I was supposed to be doing. It could be Mom, for all I knew.

Kaoru opened the door in a forceful manner and the look on his face obviously shown that something was wrong. I was instantly concerned.

"Kaoru...Wha--"

"Hikaru! I can't take this anymore!" He cried, and wrapped his arms around me. His sobs shook his whole body, and I held him, confused.

"Kaoru. Tell me, and I mean now. What's wrong?" I tried to be stern like an elder brother, but caring too because knew that's what Kaoru needed.

"I--I can't. I just can't, Hikaru!" He pushed me away and turned. I watched him in surprise. This was so unlike him. He could tell me anything. He knew that.

"Kaoru...I'm your twin. We tell each other everything. I blinked, and he began to sob quietly again, sinking to the floor onto his knees. I sank down beside him, kneeling and placing my hand carefully between his shoulderblades. "Whatever it is, I won't be upset. I'll stay calm for you."

"Onii-san, you don't understand. I-It's not..."

"It's not what, Kaoru?" I wasn't going to let his voice trail away again.

"S-Something I've done. It's--"

"Involving us?" I finished his thought, and gazed into his tearful eyes. They glistened, and he looked away, cringing. He obviously tried to hold back the droplets, but they trailed down his cheeks anyway. I wiped them away.

"Hikaru! Just--Just--Stop! Please! You make this s-so hard! You're just so--" There he went, cutting off sentences again. I pulled away from him.

"So difficult? Stubborn? Overbearing?"

"No! Y-You're so--"

"Idiotic? Conceited? Rude?"

"No! Nothing of that nature!"

I had a whole list of self-inflicted insults at the tip of my tongue, but that made me stop.

"What is it then? I just need to know what's hurting you, Kaoru."

"You're just so...so...so damn perfect, Hikaru!" He got up and started to run out of the bedroom door.

I clenched his wrist and held him in step. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to pull himself away from me. I wouldn't even think about letting him go at this moment, no matter how hard he struggled.

"But, Kaoru, we're twins. If I'm perfect, then you're exactly the same." I gazed into his eyes, desperately trying to make him understand. His eyes glistened with tears forming, just daring to fall.

"Hikaru..." he whispered. I was so confused and lost at this point, but I think I finally understood. My eyes widened.

/Don't say the words, brother.../ I thought to myself. I couldn't let him say them aloud.

"Hikaru, I-I know it's--" He looked down; this was difficult, I'm sure. He didn't need to say it. I prayed he wouldn't.

"I-I just--" He looked up at me with eyes wide with fear, glistening from the tears shed before. I was caught. I felt a twinge of his emotion, fear and sadness. Then, there was....affection. "Hikaru, I--I am--"

Well, this was strange. Kaoru quickly kissed me. As his lips graced mine, I felt his passion, fear, excitement. It was nothing short of amazing really.

And then it was all gone. Kaoru ran out the door, and I watched him turn and bolt out the door, all too surprised to move.

I then realized he hadn't actually confessed. He might as well have though.

Finally, I understood why I silently willed him not to speak them.

I was positively sure I felt the same way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Well. This is an incredibly short chapterrr... Along with the next chapter, which happens to be the last. So. My apologies for cutting it off all ****short and what not. ^^; -bad authoress!-**

* * *

I felt so stupid, and upset, and just destroyed.

No, probably closer to obliterated.

I shouldn't have kissed him. I felt like I needed to though. It was killing me to keep quiet. It had been much too long.

I never actually said it.

_I'm in love with you, Hikaru._

But I showed it. And now I'm sure I had crossed a line that had never been officially drawn.

So I cried. I took a chance, and it turned out for the worst. What else was there to do but sob to myself

I guess I better cut these invisible--but eternal--strings that had always held Hikaru and me together while I still could.

I looked up to the pale blue autumn sky, gently wiping my tears.

I just wanted this so badly. I was tired of being hurt by how close we were, yet so far apart. I didn't care if it was wrong in society. But, imagine, I still hurt.

I flopped down in a bench in Hikaru and I's favorite park, chilled by the autumn wind.

Above me, two identical leaves fell in a centripetal motion, seeming to be held together by an invisible, gravitational attraction--perhaps fate--making me wonder what we could possibly become, if I could just give him the courage to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

"Kaoru!" I called, waving my arms around like an idiot. My twin looked up. I could feel his one emotion.

Fear.

I swiftly took him into a quick embrace before he could even think of getting away. He gave me a confused look.

"Hika--?"

"Kaoru! It's okay! It's fine! I didn't want you to tell me but it's cool because--"

"...You feel the same?" I let him finish my sentence like I knew he wanted to. I thought a bit, then nodded slowly.

He hugged me tighter. "Oh, Hikaru! But, but--"

"Don't say anything. It's fine. I don't care if Mother or anyone else thinks it's wrong."

He pulled away, but kept his arms around me. "Hikaru?"

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"I love you." He blushed lightly and looked so adorable, I had to smile reassuringly.

"I love you too, Kaoru." I slid my hand down his arm and intertwined our fingers like I had done so many times before. They fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces.

We walked out of the park still linked together, not caring who saw us and stared.

"...My little uke~!" I cooed suddenly.

"Hikaru!"

* * *

**Wellllll...that's the end. -throws confetti- You know you want to give me a lovely review, now don't you, young fanfic reader~?**


End file.
